1. Listen to music – Softer acoustic music will make you smile, but sometimes even good ol screaming music will do great when you just need to jump into your car and yell out your frustration. For acoustic, I’d suggest City and Colour or Jason Mraz. For angry screaming music, definitely pick up some Alexisonfire or System of a Down

2. Go shopping… for anything – Its amazing how shopping will make you feel better. I think its the sense of accomplishment. And then getting to show it off to the friends who actually care about you afterwards =)

3. Call up a friend far, far away – Your friends who keep up long distance friendships with you and refuse to let you dissappear because you moved away are the ones you really want to keep.  They’re also the ones who will listen when you call them up and say “Holy shit… I’m going to explode…. argh!”
Thanks Leizanne & Neal =)

4. Do something new every weekend – Take it from me, finding something new and exciting to do every weekend has been the highlight of my summer. I’ve never had such a fantastic summer and its all due to the positive attitude of just living life!

5. Blog - like I am now. On a blog that no one ever reads and no one will comment on. But you will know you had the satisfaction of writing all this shit down somewhere.

6. Lie outside in the sun – Soak up those happy vitamin D’s!!! I swear, the myth about lack of vitamin D causing depression is completely true. Therefore its very important to get lots of it! Especially in summer!

7. Whatever you do, don’t yell at or confront the person who is making you upset. Doesn’t matter who it is, you’re better than that. You can resolve the issues without dealing with someone who is acting immature. If it is absolutely necessary, talk to the person civilly and carefully. No swears, no insults, no biting remarks.

8. Do NOT go bitching around to every single one of your friends continuously. They care enough to hear it quietly and briefly… if you keep going on and on about it, they’re going to stop listening. You’re also going to make them uncomfortable if you are tattling on someone else. They are then forced to pick sides and you’ve now ruined their day.

9. Immerse yourself in work – nothing like feeling you got something accomplished at work or at school when you’re frustrated. Starting something and finishing it will take your mind of your worries and make you realize, all that anger wasn’t worth it in the first place.

10. Lastly and most importantly – continuously remind yourself that being angry isn’t worth it. It makes you feel down on yourself and you just add stress to your body. That stress can lead to getting sick or make you distracted from the things that are really important. Remember, being happy is better than anything, so work really hard to keep it that way!

There ya go. Even writing that felt good! Haha

That all being said, after everything that has gone down, I have to say one thing: I won’t get angry anymore, I’ll move past this stage. But I doubt I will ever, ever forgive you for everything you have managed to do… not just for the last 2 1/2 months and with all the people I’ve lost, but for all the other reasons you are aware of and you refuse to admit. And I won’t be mad about that anymore because I’ve realized that I have just accepted that.

YouTube: http://youtube.com/watch?v=O_3XRx8EnuI

Apologize by OneRepublic

I’m holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground
I’m hearin’ what you say but I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down
But wait
You tell me that you’re sorry didn’t think I’d turn around and say:

That it’s too late to apologize
Too late
Said it’s too late to apologize
Too late

I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, it’s nothing new
Yeah
I loved you with a fire red now it’s turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid

It’s too late to apologize
Too late
Said it’s too late to apologize
Too late

I’m holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground

strength is your greatest asset, once you find it – me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhecdhiokJo

Helplessly hoping
Her harlequin hovers nearby
Awaiting a word

Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit
He runs, wishing he could fly
Only to trip at the sound of goodbye

Wordlessly watching
He waits by the window
And wonders at the empty place inside

Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams
He worries, did he hear a goodbye?
Or even… hello?

They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are for each other

Stand by the stairway
You’ll see something certain to tell you
Confusion has its costs

Love isn’t lying
Its loose in a lady
Who lingers, saying she is lost
And choking on hello

They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are for each other

So beautiful…

 Okay, lets get this straight… the big sister is an alcohol-swigging, air-headed bimbo, the mom is a greedy bitch and the dad is a complete tool! And then the little sister turns out to be a slutastic pregnant teenager!

I don’t know how much more fucked up that can get except their PRs better be paid pretty damn well!

The song can be found on YouTube here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=o5zL3dqdxUg
And here are the lyrics off songmeanings.net:

I will break into your thoughts
With what’s written on my heart
I will break, break

I’m so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so sick
I’m so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you’ll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I’m so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so sick
I’m so sick

Hear it, I’m screaming it
You’re heeding to it now
Hear it, I’m screaming it
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I’m so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so, I’m so sick

I’m so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I’m so (I’m so)
I’m so sick (I’m so sick)
I’m so (I’m so)
I’m so sick (I’m so sick)

 Now back to exams… 5 in 6 days… Here I go!

 To start off with, this week was not supposed to be fun in the first place. I had 2 fairly big essays due on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I didn’t have a chance to work on them until Wednesday of last week due to quizzes, presentations and midterms. So I couldn’t start researching them until last week… infact for the 10-page essay I didn’t even have a topic.

But thats not so bad right? 1 week is lots of time to write two essays! Not when everything else that can go wrong, does go wrong….

For starters, I started a Research Scholarship that is due on Dec3rd, so I had to work on it during the same week as the essays. This wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that it was quite the hassle to put together. First I had several meetings with my professor to discuss and figure out the research project. Then I had to coordinate the most complicated system of asking for signatures, letters of references and everything else…. Which was really such a headache.

 But it gets better! So on Sunday night, Andy and I are walking back home from the library when we smell a bonfire. We are thinking “Who has bonfires in the middle of winter?”…. well, we sure found out when we got home. As we walk up to my place, we notice smoke coming out of the garage. So we run inside and guess what? There’s a fire in the garage! And the situation goes from bad to worse…. we can’t get the garage door open because the flames are right below the door opener. Oh and what else? The fire extinguisher also happens to be in the fire! Andddd…. we can’t get the garage door open! So we’re running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to find fire extinguishers and such, and we can’t find any! Meanwhile the whole main floor is filling up with smoke and the fire alarm is going off like crazy.

So we call the firemen, and they can’t even find our place right away because it’s hidden in a cul-de-sac! Andy braves the smoke and gets the garage door open and we start pouring water on the fire. By the time the firemen arrived, we got the fire under control.

 So what started it? All we know is a pile of recycling burnt up… so either someone threw something flammable in it, or pop cans spontaneously combust. We still don’t know what started it.

You would think that would be the end of my bad week? It’s not… on top of all that, I hand in one of my essays late because I forgot it at home. I also forgot to hand in an electronic copy of the other essay as well. I didn’t do my stats assignment because of the essays and scholarship, which I then got blindsided by in tutorial. Then I found out an assignment was due on Thursday which I didn’t know about because I was sick for the class the week before.

 Oh ya, and my magazine bill was due today. I haven’t been able to mail it in. Oy.

 Atleast it’s Friday…. this week has to end soon right? Hopefully next week will be better.

HUMANS ARE NOT A SUSTAINABLE RESOURCE

There… I said it. I am Suzuki’s anti-Christ or however you want to put it, but its true. We as humans are not sustainable on this Earth. We multiply much to fast, we use resources way too quickly and we produce garbage and waste at an alarmingly rate. Now unless we figure out how to eat remelted pop cans, making them into ski jackets is not going to make a huge difference to the environment.

 The other problem we are facing here is that only the wealthiest countries currently have the funds and the ability to buy enough hybrid cars to make an impact. This excludes the two largest populations in the world: India and China. They are also creating the most pollution at the highest rate (besides the US, but the US is always making trouble, so count them as #1 in every problem Earth has). Yet we can’t even punish them for it because most areas of those countries are not even fully developed enough to be introducing high-end water purifying systems, recycling processing plants or hybrid cars.

So what is the point? What people don’t realize right now is that all this recycling and such that they are engaging is will save Earth for maybe another 100… 150 years…. and then our great great great grandchildren are going to run into the real problems that are unavoidable: overcrowding, lack of water, lack of land to grow crops and heavy ozone loss.

So what pisses me off even more is when countries like MALTA for Godssake come after Canada for not signing the Kyoto Protocol. Um excuse me, but incase you didn’t notice Canada currently is 2nd largest country in the world with the lowest population density. Even if we tried, we could not come up to a fraction of what the US, China and India are doing to the environment. We have the most fresh water in the world, the 2nd largest forests and the most valuable natural resources in this world probably.

But we also have the horrible OIL AND GAS INDUSTRY!!!!! Ahhhhh run for your lives! Fuck…. the oil and gas industry is currently what is keeping Canada afloat in the recession the US is facing. The oil and gas industry is what is currently keeping Quebec and the other tax-feeding provinces from falling apart. The oil and gas industry, as much as everyone outside of Alberta wants to deny it, is crucial to Canada. And the Kyoto Protocol directly hurts Canada through the oil and gas industry.

 So props to Stephen for stepping up for Canada. We shouldn’t be taking this bullshit about the Kyoto Protocol in the first place…. Canada isn’t even the country making all the mess! So back off already!

 So theres this debate going on around campus about Canadian Blood Service’s policy on not allowing men who have had sex with men (MSM) to donate blood. Its become this big uproar with protest demonstrations by a group called Stand Against Queer Discrimination (SAQD).  I think this is a load of annoying bullshit. The policy was never meant to discriminate again homosexuals. It was directed at a high-risk activity that is associated with high rates of HIV transmission. This doesn’t mean that Gay men are promiscuous or “dirty”, just unfortunately HIV has become more prevalent in their form of sexual activity. The statistics are there and really SAQD should be addressing the issues of HIV transmission is MSM, not CBS’s policy on blood donation. But anyways, here is a letter to the editor I wanted to send in, but didn’t because I’m scared of this SAQD group coming after me… Protest groups on campus are dangerous sometimes!

“Here are some other facts about CBS’s bloody policy that seems to have been overlooked in this debate:

Currently CBS’ indefinite deferral policy also includes two other groups that SAQD has failed to mention in their arguments. Anyone who has received blood transfusions in Africa, engaged in sexual activities in Africa or lived in 8 listed African countries is not allowed to donate blood. Anyone who has lived in the United Kingdom and areas of Europe from 1980 to 1996 are also not allowed to donate blood.

Why isn’t there a S.A.A/E.D (Standing Against African/European Discrimination) group? Because these groups understand that the policy is not directed at their ethnic, racial or cultural backgrounds: it is a protective policy against statistics that have indicated high rates of HIV/AIDS and CJD in Africa and Europe, respectively.

So why is that that one group feels singled out? I think it’s because they don’t understand that CBS is not directing their policy at gays and homosexuals. It is directed towards a high-risk activity that unfortunately seems to be correlated with an increased risk of HIV transmission. Gay men who do not engage in MSM are still allowed to donate, and Lesbian women are allowed to donate too! In fact, as another student pointed out, those men who are not allowed to donate blood still have the option of donating their time and money.

So instead of lying on the floor (with misspelled tombstones: Jacob Orosco was 17 when he died), I invite the SAQD to direct their time and energy to more purposeful activities such as volunteering with CBS. By attempting to ban CBS from campus, they are risking someone’s life by preventing a kind-hearted student from donating blood.

 Volunteer positions with CBS are available at www.blood.ca“

 I’d also like to point out something else no one has researched. CBS was created after a scandal in 1980-1996 in which the Canadian Red Cross was brought to court for infecting 2000 people with HIV and 20 000 people with Hep C in a span of 10-15years. The Canadian Red Cross’s blood donation services were shut down and the government created CBS to start a new and more effective blood service system. People have to realize that Canada’s blood supply was considered one of the poorest in the world in the early 1990′s. We must have strict restrictions on our blood supply or we risk the health of the general population and our health industry reputation in the world.  Stephen Harper just offered to pay over a million to survivors of the HIV-tainted blood. Sadly, the majority are dead now. I’m not saying that blood came from someone who engaged in MSM because it could easily have come from anyone of any sexual orientation or ethnic background due to poor screening back then. But we need to be extra careful nowadays and that is EXACTLY what CBS is doing. If SAQD is successful in banning CBS from campus, I’m going to be on of the first people writing to USC to fight it.     

Speaking of back in the day, I guess the most important thing I can say right now is the fact that I saw Tori Amos live two days ago. Who is that, you’re asking– well I’ve given you a great song in my title to go buy off iTunes for $0.99 and find out exactly who she is. This woman’s music essentially is the soundtrack of my life, starting from the day my parents went out and bought her cd “Boys for Pele”. I was in grade 3 (or 4?) and we went on a road trip down to Utah from Calgary in our Volvo stationwagon. There are only a few things I remember from that trip: a really old tree hanging off the Zion Canyon, tumbleweeds getting caught in my pants, winning a drawing contest at a roadside restaurant and listening to “Boys for Pele” endlessly. I guess from then I was hooked on her music… I have continously bought her cds as soon as they have come out, I ravenously collect her B-sides, I own all her interviews, books and DVDs and most imporantly, I have now seen her live in concert. In short, I think I own the most envious collection of Tori Amos out there. I refuse to share any of her music on any music sharers and I won’t give out her cds easily because I think she should earn every royalty from every second of her songs.

Slightly obsessive? Maybe, but damn her music is good.  So I’ll ask you, if anyone is actually reading this, do you have an artist that soundtracks your life? The kind of music that if you ever hear those songs again it reminds you of roadtrips, Christmas parties, embarassing moments in high school or smoking pot in a ravine and getting caught by your city mayor jogging in mini shorts? (odd example? True story. *wink*) Yeah, Music is an incredible thing. Its amazing how many memories you can pull up with a sound. The brain is so weird in how it works….

Which brings me to the 2nd thing about me that you might want to know: I love the brain. Yeah, thats exactly what I wrote…. I love the brain and its all its weird workings. This is what I study in school and what I consistently do well in. Maybe one day you will be looking up at me as your neurosurgeon and I’m doing surgery on IN your head while asking “Do you feel that sensation in your knee?” and you’re kicking it without thinking about it. No, I don’t have any desire to be Hannibal, but I am really interested in neurology. I have so many questions I wish I knew about the brain: What are Alzheimer plaques? Why do smells and sounds trigger memories? Why is it that we can cut cingulate bundles for OCD? What causes epilepsy? Do parts of people’s brain go inactive during a dissociative fugue? Can we trick people with somatoform disorders by giving them placebo medication? Of course, this all may sound like gibberish to you if you’re not in psych, but they are cool questions. Or I’m a complete nerd, which is perfectly acceptable too.

So I guess I’ve covered 2 important things about me that you didn’t know before: I’m obsessed about Tori Amos and I love the brain. Thats two things about me that are pretty important and I think thats enough for today.